Loving Him Was Red
by Bree6112
Summary: Rachel Berry had it all: A loving boyfriend/fiance, friends, talent.. the list goes on and on. When getting accepted into NYADA she knew what she had to leave behind. Departing from Finn was the hardest thing she would have to deal with, but can Finn and Rachel's romance last long distance? What happens when the new guy Brody is thrown into the mix? Is this the end of Finchel?
1. Chapter 1

_Losing him was blue like I'd never known; missing him was dark grey all alone.  
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met, but loving him was red_

I've always dreamt about what life in New York would be like but never in my dreams did I imagine it like this. It's been two months since I've heard from Finn.. I missed him like crazy. I always had this empty feeling in my chest.. I didn't feel home here mainly since I was all alone and I missed my fiancé.. Well scratch that I guess you could say our relationship really doesn't have a title at the moment. I moved into my dorm here at NYADA and it has been a pretty bumpy start. I guess my roommate is nice.. I wouldn't know since we really haven't talked. You could say she's been "busy." Ugh… I stuffed my face into the pillow and sighed wishing that I could rewind back to before graduation when everything was perfect. I was supposed to be married to the man of my dreams right now, but instead I was trapped in this terrible dorm room staring at my laptop watching everyone back at McKinley enjoying another year…

I couldn't help but keep staring at my multiple photos of Finn. I just wish I knew how he was doing. He's busy with the army, but I would give anything to just hear his voice again… My bathroom schedule has been reworked since people just don't understand here. I have to be up at 3 a.m. every morning so I can perfect my beautiful complexion. You could say that I'm a bit over dramatic but I like to look my best.. When I'm on Broadway it will all be worth it. All of a sudden I was interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of music coming from one of the shower stalls. I peeked around the corner to find someone very handsome. I told myself to stop paying attention to him because I already had Finn. I blushed a bit and then headed back to the sink to finish my routine. He spoke up "Hi, I'm Brody. I'm a junior here, what about you?" Brody.. that name there was just something about it. "I'm Rachel Berry, a freshman here." He gave me a small smile and I felt my heart start to race. I needed to stop myself before I did anything stupid. We talked for a bit about how we both had the same morning routines and I headed back to my room. I laid down in my bed holding up the photo frame of Finn while at the same time thinking about Brody. I just couldn't leave everything I had behind with Finn. He was my first love… my only love. Why did I have these small growing feelings for someone else? Especially someone I had just met.. I guess I was just lonely… I'm so confused and I just don't know what to do…

xx I'm just starting this story I really hope you guys like it. Please review if you have any suggestions or to let me know if you would like to see more. Thank you for reading. xx


	2. Chapter 2

_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go, but moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head_

I ended up getting no sleep last night from all the tossing and turning. My heart still longed for Finn, but I couldn't help but feel an attraction towards Brody. I was exhausted and torn….

Today started my first day of dance classes here at NYADA. My dance teacher was Ms. Cassandra July… I already hated her. She had to make a nasty comment about everything I did. I don't get why she hates me so much. "Stop Miss Schwimmer. Why are you even here in this class if you can't even be the least bit good?" Ugh.. I hated her stupid nickname for me can't she just call me Rachel Berry? Was that too hard for her? I bit my tongue and turned towards her. "I'm trying my best. I don't get why you are only picking on me when everyone is doing the exact same routine.." She proceeded to get in my face. "I don't like your sassy know it all attitude. You can shut your mouth or you can leave this class." I shut up and just continued dancing hoping this class would soon be over.

I decided to go take a walk around the city since I was in a terrible mood and just needed to hear my best friend Kurt's voice. I quickly dialed his number. "Hey Rachel! How's New York? How are the classes? Tell me everything!" He sounded so happy for me so I just held back my tears and faked some happiness. "It's going great Kurt. My dance teacher adores me and I'm just enjoying everything here so much." A single tear rolled down my cheek as I wished that was how things were. "I'm so happy to hear that my special diva. How are things with your roomie?" Another thing I would have to lie about. "Good I mean we haven't really talked that much yet since she's been busy, but she seems nice." I wouldn't even know since we haven't even said one word to each other. "Well, I feel a lot better knowing that things are going well for you in New York. I miss you so much Rachel. You are going to shine there, I just know it." I sighed, wishing I believed that myself. "I miss you so much Kurt and thanks for believing in me." We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone and decided to sit on a nearby bench for a while. I couldn't help as the tears formed in my eyes.. I didn't even try to hold them back anymore. I scrolled through some pictures on my phone and found the picture me and Finn took after we were officially engaged. I started sobbing… I needed him… I can't do any of this without him. Before I knew it someone snuck up behind me.. "Is that your boyfriend?" It was Brody. "Ya, this is Finn. He's in the army so we haven't really had the chance to talk that much." He looked upset at the fact that I had a boyfriend. "I had a girlfriend before I came here. It lasted six months, but the long distance was just too hard." Finn and I have found our way back to each other so many times, we could get through anything. Or at least I hoped. "I'm not turning my back on him. I love him too much." Just then Brody had noticed that I've been crying. "Why are those tears forming in your gorgeous eyes?" I blushed a bit. "I just don't fit in here. I have this feeling like I'm going to throw up every day." He laughed. "It's a new place of course it's going to take some time to adjust, but look at me. You have this special quality about you and I know you are going to kick some serious tail here. Just take a deep breath and just let the change happen." He was right I just needed to take a moment to let everything fall into place. "Now let's go to class." He held out his hand for me and with a small smile I accepted his offer. Maybe things would get better here. We walked to class hand in hand as the picture of me and Finn on my phone faded to black….


	3. Chapter 3

_That's why he's spinning round in my head, comes back to me burning red_

I had a nice walk with Brody before parting ways to head back to my room. While on my way back two girls came up to me. "Can you believe the outfit she is wearing Lindsey?" "She looks so pathetic. She is definitely not meant to be here, but she will find that out sooner or later." They then brushed past me leaving me alone in the hallway… I've had my fair share of "bullying" at McKinley but here it was different. I wanted to fit in and at least when I was at McKinley I had my glee family to help me out. I ran to my room just wanting to hide under the covers and cry. When I walked into my room my roommate was too "busy" and it just sickened me. I ran out and wandered out into the city just wanting to go back to Lima…

I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed Kurt's number. "Hey diva." I couldn't even form words so I just cried. "Hey, are you ok? What's wrong Rachel?" I sighed. "I don't fit in here Kurt, I lied to you. My dance teacher hates me, everyone makes fun of me and I can't even go back to my dorm room since my roommate is sleeping around with the whole entire school!" I heard Kurt take a deep breath. "Rachel, I know you and you are never one to give up. You make your dance teacher like you no matter how hard that is and screw all the people who are making fun of you. They are all just jealous of how talented, special, and beautiful you are. Trust me I know that you are gonna turn that frown back into a smile." I really wish I could do that. "I don't belong here… Plus, I haven't heard from Finn and I miss him so much. I don't know what to do Kurt. I keep pretending I'm okay but I'm not." I let out more tears. "Turn around." What did he mean turn around? I decided to do it anyway. When I turned around I looked across the way and Kurt was here.. in New York. I hung up the phone and ran as fast as I could and leaped into Kurt's arms. "Kurt why didn't you tell me you were coming? I'm so happy you are here… we are in New York together!" I was now crying but just happy tears. "I didn't tell you so I could see that surprised smile on your face that you are wearing right now." He's so precious. "I love you so much Kurt." He smiled. "I love you too Rachel, now how about we go apartment hunting so you can get a roommate that you actually like." I finally felt happy. "I would love that." With a huge smile plastered on my face I walked hand in hand with my best friend; the amazing Kurt Hummel.


	4. Chapter 4

_It's one door swinging open; it's one door swinging closed. We're holding on and letting go._

Apartment hunting was taking forever. There was nothing out there that we both liked. I was exhausted and didn't want to face the harsh reality that I would be stuck with my roommate for the entire year. It was time for our last stop on the hunt. This was it. Kurt and I both looked at each other and immediately both said sold. We filled out some paperwork and the place was officially ours. The place was completely empty except for two beds. We laid down a blanket and lit a candle we found in the kitchen. We decided to order some pizza and have a little picnic.

After eating for a bit I decided to speak to Kurt about what was really on my mind. "Have you heard from Finn?" Kurt sighed. "Sweetie, he's giving you some space. He's doing it because he loves you just remember that." Ugh.. "You know all this freedom is starting to feel a lot like severe loneliness." There have been countless nights where I've stayed up staring at his picture and crying myself to sleep…

Tomorrow was the day where we had to come up with separate routines to perform for the one and only Miss July.. I complained a bit to Kurt and shockingly he told me all about her past as an insane failed Broadway performer. I decided it was time to mention Brody since he's been on my mind a lot lately. "Kurt, I met someone here…" His eyes lit up as he began to speak. "And who might that be? Is this someone special since you were just interested in finding out details about Finn." I didn't know exactly what Brody was to me.. I guess we were just friends. "He's just a friend, but.." before I could finish Kurt cut me off. "I know that look Rachel Berry, you don't have feelings for him do you?" I wasn't quite sure of that answer myself.. "I'm not sure, I mean I could never turn my back on Finn. I still love him.." Kurt grabbed my hands. "Darling just take a deep breath and please don't do anything stupid. You will hear from Finn soon just give everything some time." I guess Kurt was right.. I was rushing into things too quickly when I needed to just slow down….

I got a good night's sleep since I didn't have to worry about what was going on with my roommate and whatever guy she had brought home. I left a note for Kurt on the door that I was going to head to class. It was a nice walk through Lincoln center to get to NYADA. I enjoyed the time to myself. All of a sudden I spotted Brody working out on one of the benches. I made my way over to him to say hi. "Hey Brody." He stopped what he was doing and looked up. "Hi Rachel." I decided to ask him if he would help me with my performance for Miss July. "I have to do this performance for Miss July since she doesn't believe that I'm "sexy enough." I felt so stupid for telling him all of this. "Hey come here Rachel, you are gorgeous.. Don't listen to her. Of course I will help you." I told him what song we would be doing and he said he would meet me in about 15 minutes at the class.

It was time for the performance and I changed into heels, fishnet stockings and a black leotard with a skirt. This wasn't my usual kind of attire, but hopefully it did the trick. I also put a lot of eyeliner on in hopes that I looked "better." Brody entered the room and checked me out before telling me that I took his breath away. I blushed. He was so sweet… The song I was performing was "Oops I did it Again" by the one and only Ms. Britney Spears. I started the performance and things were getting really intimate between Brody and I. He was a good dancer and there was definitely some built up chemistry between us. After we finished I took a minute to catch my breath and silently thank Brody for helping me. "So how did I do?" Miss July walked over and was angry. "What was that? I didn't like it at all." I don't know what got over me but I was about to lose it. "You are just jealous that we all have our whole lives in front of us to establish a career when you are just a washed up crazy actress who embarrassed herself at her own Broadway show. " She looked so mad that I took a step back. "Get out of my class! NOW!" I grabbed my bag and headed out of the room back to my apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

_Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard_

I was starting to feel guilty about what I had said about Miss July so I decided it would be best if I went back to NYADA to go speak to her. I let Kurt know where I was going and headed out. When I reached the classroom I spotted her practicing her stretches. I gave a light knock on the door to let her know that I was here. She didn't look happy to see me but she didn't kick me out yet. "Miss July, I was way out of line earlier and I came here to apologize." She got up from the corner of the room and walked over towards me. "Look Rachel you were right.. I am jealous because I know I lost my chances of being a star on Broadway. The reason I'm so hard on you kids especially you is because I know that you are talented and I want to challenge you to be the best you can be." I felt sympathetic for her; I knew what it was like to feel like you had lost all chances to reach your dream. "Don't you get it Miss July, you don't need to be a big star on Broadway you are here at NYADA and you are one of the best dance teachers. I know I can be annoying and a know it all at times, but I really do respect you." She gave me a small smile. "I accept your apology and you are free to come back to the class, but don't think that I'm gonna go easier on you from now on." I laughed. "I guess that means I will still just have to be that annoying know it all girl in your class too." She smiled and laughed. "See you tomorrow Rachel." I felt a lot better as I started my walk back to the apartment.

On my walk back I ran into Brody. "Hi Brody, thank you so much again for helping me yesterday with my song." He came closer. "It was no problem Rachel, you are talented and I definitely would love to perform with you again." I blushed a bit. "I'm gonna head back to my apartment, but do you have any plans for later?" He took a moment to think and then spoke up. "I think I can make time for a very special lady." I smiled and gave him the address and told him I would see him later tonight.

When I got back to the apartment Kurt had brought back tons of dresses and stuff from work. He just landed an internship at Vogue. "Kurt why do you have so many dresses?" His eyes lit up as he started to explain what was going on. "Rachel your outfits may have suited you in Lima but now we are in New York! I'm going to give you a makeover." I actually was excited. It would be like a new me. He gave me some outfits to try on and after what seemed like forever I found the perfect outfit. I picked some similar styles and decided I would try them out for my "date" with Brody tonight.

I chose a grey long sleeved shirt and a plaid skirt with black knee socks and heels. I left my hair down and put on some eyeliner to add to my more mature appearance. I was going to try and cook something but I can't cook to save my life. I took a look at myself in the mirror and walked out into the living room to wait for Brody. "Whoa Rachel look at you! I'm such a genius.. This is the new and improved Rachel Berry." I laughed at how excited he was. "Thanks Kurt! I feel like a new person and I'm loving it. I'm going to make a new start here in New York." His smile faded a bit. "I'm glad you feel more confident but stay true to who you are okay. Promise me you won't do anything stupid." I was confused but agreed and told him that Brody would be here soon. Kurt had to run to the office to attend a meeting that Isabelle was having so I told him I would see him later.

About ten minutes after he left I ordered a pizza and opened a bottle of champagne for tonight. Finally there was a knock on the door. I quickly made my way to the door. "Wow Rachel.. you look just wow…" I was definitely blushing and it was probably very obvious. I had set up a picnic for us and showed him around. We chatted and had dinner. I felt a strong connection to him.. For a brief moment I forgot about Finn, NYADA.. everything. I had a few glasses of champagne so I was a little bit tipsy but nothing too extreme. "Look Rachel, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. Just every time I'm around you I can't help thinking of how much I want to be with you. I really like you but I respect you and whatever decision you make. I can accept being just friends." I didn't really know how to respond to that. There was silence and we both were staring into each others eyes and I wasn't thinking clearly.. He leaned in and I begin to kiss him and things were getting pretty intense. We leaned back to lie down on the blanket. As we were doing this I closed my eyes and the first thing that came to mind was the auditorium.. My first date with Finn. The picnic I had set up and the special "airplane" cups. I told him he could kiss me if he wanted to and he said yes. What was I doing? Before things went any further there was a knock on the door. "That's probably Kurt, he keeps forgetting his keys." I gave Brody a smile and made my way to the door trying to regain my balance. As I opened the door I was completely caught off guard. Standing in front of me was Finn. He looked so happy to see me and then he noticed Brody. I could tell by his facial expression that he was hurt… What did I just do?


	6. Chapter 6

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart_

I was speechless. I thought Finn was supposed to be in the army but there he was standing in my doorway. I felt sick to my stomach knowing that Brody was right behind me. I knew Finn could tell that there was something going on between the two of us.. I was guilty. Brody must've sensed the tension in the room and told me he would call me later. I gave him a small smile and said bye. He closed the door behind him causing Finn to enter the apartment. After what felt like ages I finally broke the silence. "Finn what are you doing here? Where's your uniform?" He put his head down and began to speak. "I was in the army for fifteen days. I thought things were going well, it was a lot of work but I finally felt like I had a place in this world. We had to give our rifle a name so of course I named mine Rachel. I was cleaning her and all of a sudden the rifle went off. Right through my thigh, luckily it didn't hit any bone. I was embarrassed. I spent the rest of the time backpacking through Georgia. I'm so sorry I didn't call, I just couldn't let you see me like this… a Lima loser." I sighed. He was always putting himself down. "Finn you are not a Lima loser. Look I lost you once and I'm not going to lose you again." I sat on his lap and gave him a kiss. It felt so good to have Finn back but at the same time there was something different.

I decided it would be good to let Finn come and attend my NYADA classes with me so he could see what it was like. Maybe he could even apply there. I was so excited to have him with me in New York. It's what I always wanted. I had vocal lessons and a dance class today so hopefully something would catch his eye. All throughout my class I kept getting distracted. I would look over at Finn to see his handsome face.. I sure did miss him. Something was off though, he looked upset. Hopefully going out tonight would cheer him up.

The walk back to the apartment was a bit awkward. Pretty much the whole day was one big confused mess. We spent most of last night talking and we didn't really do much of anything last night. He didn't say anything to me we kind of just laid in bed together. I didn't see Kurt last night since we were in my room for most of it. When I got back inside the apartment he was waiting by the door. He almost dropped the plates he was carrying. "Finn what are you doing here?" Finn ran over to give him a hug. "Hey little brother, I just decided to stop by and see how you guys were doing." I could tell that Kurt sensed that there was something definitely up with us since we weren't our usual "lovey dovey" selves. "So is everyone ready for tonight?" I could see that Finn had no idea what I was talking about. "Where are we going?" I was so excited; maybe I could even sing a duet with Finn just like old times. "We are going to Callbacks. It's a karaoke bar that all the NYADA kids go to. It's so much fun. I was hoping that you and I could maybe sing a duet." He smiled a little. "I don't know Rach, to be honest I haven't sung at all since Nationals not even in the shower." That really hurt me to hear. Things really have changed so much. Music was what brought us together and now it seems like we don't even have that in common anymore. Before I could respond there was a knock on the door.

Kurt was closest so he decided to answer it. When he answered the door we all were shocked to see Blaine standing there with a bouquet of flowers. We let them have their moment and then I couldn't wait anymore I ran over to Blaine and gave him a big hug. "I missed you so much." I was so happy that we were all together. "I missed you too Rachel." He then noticed Finn was also, in the room. "Hey Finn, I haven't seen you in forever!" They hugged and everything felt right like all the puzzle pieces have been placed back together. "I'm so happy we are all in New York together. It's just like the old times." I couldn't wait for tonight. Little did I know that this would be the last time all of us would be in the apartment together happy…_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in.  
So shame on me now… I'm lying on the cold hard ground_

We made our way to Callbacks so we wouldn't be late for karaoke. It felt so good to have everyone back together just like old times. I was really into Demi Lovato's song "Give Your Heart a Break" and was interested in singing it tonight. I figured it would sound much better as a duet so I couldn't wait to sing it with Finn. We haven't sung together in the longest time so this was going to be amazing. When we got to Callbacks we found an open table and I went with Finn to get something to drink. We reached the bar and I watched as he ordered a coke. Before Finn could tell the bartender what I wanted I said my order. "I'll take an amaretto sour, virgin please." Finn looked at me weird. "It's really good you should try it." I told him. We got our drinks and were about to head back to the table when all of a sudden Brody appeared. "Hey guys." Finn said a quick hello and then Brody continued to talk. "Are you performing tonight Rachel?" I was so thrilled to perform it would be like my New York debut. "Yes I really want to sing something, but the song would sound so much better as a duet. I've been trying to get Finn to sing with me." Finn turned red. "I'm not really a student here…" Brody laughed. "It's no problem, you are with Rachel so you are an honorary performer for the night and I know the piano player so it's all good." I looked at Finn begging him to sing with me. "You know what how about the two of you sing together?" I could tell he was frustrated. Brody agreed and we headed towards the stage.

The song started and I began to sing. I kept looking over at Finn and I could see the pain in his eyes. I felt like we were in two separate worlds. Things were so different between us. I didn't like how this felt. We stayed for a while after that and then decided to leave. We were taking a walk through Central Park, but there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of us. All of a sudden Finn broke his silence, stopped and turned towards me. "Are you sure you and that Brody guy are just friends?" My heart dropped… "Finn, you were gone for four months I didn't even know if you were okay.." He cut me off. "Don't lie to me!" Tears were forming in his eyes because he already knew the answer. "We kissed.. it didn't mean anything though." He covered his face with his hands and I could tell he was fighting back tears. "You told me that you were giving me freedom. We technically weren't even together." He shook his head. "I can't believe I told you that. I'm such an idiot." I didn't know what else to say to him and before I knew it he had walked away leaving me standing alone by the fountain. My knees gave in and I collapsed to the ground sobbing… I honestly didn't know if we were going to make it this time…


	8. Chapter 8

_Once you're gone you can never come back. When you're out of the blue into the black._

I wasn't sure how long I was on the ground… I pulled my knees to my chest and closed my eyes never wanting to wake up. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pulled it out to see who was calling and texting me. It was mostly Kurt asking if I was okay because I never came back to the apartment. I could tell by his texts he was panicking. He also, tried calling. I received nothing from Finn though. I decided to head back to the apartment. Of course it would start raining on my walk back and to make matters worse my heel broke. I limped all the way home. When I opened the door Kurt ran over to me and embraced me in a hug. "Oh, Rachel I was so worried something happened to you." He noticed how I looked and gave me a small smile. "I'm just going to go to bed.." I walked to my bedroom and saw that Finn was sleeping already. At least he was still here.. We would have to talk about things in the morning. I turned the lamp off and closed my eyes.

I could sense the sun coming in through the windows and decided to get up. I rolled over and noticed Finn was no longer next to me. I slowly got up and walked out to the living room, but still no sign of him. Kurt was already up making me breakfast. I figured he might know where his brother was. "Good Morning sunshine." I smiled. "Kurt.. Where's Finn?" He put his head down and I knew the answer wasn't going to be a good one. "He left Rachel. He went back to Lima." Wow he couldn't even face me and at least say goodbye. I acted on my instincts and went to my room to get my laptop. I went online and purchased a plane ticket. If he was so willing to get on a plane to run away from his problems then I guess his problem will have to follow him to Ohio. I told Kurt my plan and he backed me up one hundred percent. I told him I should only be gone one or two days but not any longer than that. I went to my room to pack my stuff. I was lucky enough to get a flight that left today. The plane left at 4:00 and it was already 1:00 so to make sure that I would be on time for my flight I left for the airport. I got some food and before I knew it, it was time to board the plane.

When the plane landed I rented a car from the airport because I needed to get to Lima fast to find Finn. I drove around town stopping at his house first. I got out of the car and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I decided I would check the tire shop next but there was still no sign of him. I had called him and sent him text messages but he didn't even answer me. So I went to the one place I knew he would be. The auditorium.

Walking into the school brought back so many memories. I knew my way by heart to the auditorium. I entered backstage and I saw him standing by the piano. He looked over surprised to see me. "This place is sort of like our Jerusalem. All roads seem to lead us back to here. This is where you proposed to me and when you did you reminded me that this is where we first met. Do you remember that?" He did his signature half smile. "I would've you know just come here first if you had picked up your phone or answered my text messages. Instead I had to get on a plane and drive around town looking for you like an idiot." He looked up. "I needed some time to think." Wow. "You had four months Finn. I hated you for what you did to me at that train station." He began to speak but I cut him off. "I hated you!" I yelled. "But when I got to New York I thought how much you love me and how hard that must've been for you and I thought this.. this is what a man looks like. This is how a man loves, but you not telling me where you were for four months and sneaking out before sunrise in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. That is not being a man Finn." He sighed. "I was just trying to give you your freedom." Ugh he doesn't get it. "I don't need you to give me my freedom! I am a grown woman. I don't need you to hide from me to keep me from doing what is right for me." I was raising my voice because I needed to get my point across and I was hurt. "Like that Brody guy?" He just had to bring him up. "I didn't do Brody and don't you think I would've rather have been with you." He started to speak again. "Didn't you say he was on Broadway? He has like three percent body fat. Who am I? I barely even graduated high school. My life has no direction…" I started to walk over to him. "Don't you get it? No matter how rich, famous or successful I become, when it comes to you I'm always gonna be that moon eyed girl who freaked you out at her first Glee rehearsal. You were the first boy who made me feel loved and sexy and visible. You are my first love and I want.. more than anything for you to be my last. But I can't do this anymore.. at least not now. We're done." I couldn't stop the tears as they began to stream down my face. I noticed that he looked heartbroken. "Wow I don't have my girl, I don't have a job. What am I supposed to do with my life. I don't have a place in this world." Now I was really crying and I couldn't help it. "You have you and that's better than anyone else on the planet as far as I'm concerned." I got closer to him and we knew this was officially goodbye. We kissed for the last time and I gave him one last look as I walked out of the auditorium doors getting ready to head back to New York. As I reached the main doors I looked back whispering to myself "Goodbye Finn."


	9. Chapter 9

_I don't know you, but I want you all the more for that_

The plane ride from Ohio to New York felt like the longest trip of my entire life. I couldn't wait to get back to the apartment and just crawl underneath the covers. Unfortunately I knew I was going to have to deal with the constant questions from Kurt. I grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment and headed towards the main doors to catch a cab. I got a cab and told him the directions to the apartment.

Finally I was home.. I quietly tried to sneak inside so that Kurt wouldn't bombard me.. I was halfway through the living room almost about to reach my bedroom door, but he found me. "Rachel! How did things go?" I put on a brave face and spoke to him. "I broke things off with him. We need some time apart to find ourselves before we can be together." Before I knew it my eyes were filled with tears and Kurt came over and embraced me in a hug. "Shh it's okay. If I know you two, you will be back together before I know it." I could barely speak through my tears but I told Kurt I was going to go take a nap. I know I broke things off, but I just feel so heartbroken. Hopefully I would find some peace while I drifted off to sleep.

I skipped my morning vocal lesson because my voice was raspy from crying all night. I decided I needed to get my mind off of things so I decided to go spend some time alone and go for a walk through Central Park. It was nice to just get away from the apartment for a little while. Walking and hearing the birds reminded me that I needed to pull myself together to face the rest of my life. As I was thinking about moving on from my past I couldn't contain myself as I realized where I was. I found myself on Bow Bridge where I reconnected with Finn two years ago when we came here for Nationals. I closed my eyes and could see Finn standing in his tux holding a bouquet of flowers. I remember how happy he looked to see me as his whole face lit up. Did I do the right thing? I didn't know what I wanted anymore but as hard as I tried I couldn't get Finn off of my mind.

Well, I guess you could say my walk was unsuccessful. I headed back home to go get something to eat since I haven't really had much of an appetite since I got back from Ohio. When walking back I heard someone say my name. I turned around to see no other than Brody. He was pretty much the last person I wanted to see, as he was the reason why I had gotten into a fight with Finn. "Hi Brody." He could sense I wasn't in the best mood. "Is everything okay?" I sighed. "I'm just feeling kinda tired and hungry I haven't had anything to eat all day." I just needed to be alone ugh… "There's a really good café a block away from here if you want to grab something to eat?" I might as well just go eat with him. I already lost Finn… "Sure that sounds good." He gave me a smile and I returned it. Maybe this would be my distraction from my thoughts of Finn.


	10. Chapter 10

_Games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out_

We reached the café and found a nice table by the window. I looked at the menu and decided to order just half of a wrap and soup because I didn't have that much money on me. Before I could even calculate how much I would be spending Brody got my attention. "Pick anything on the menu Rachel, it's my treat." Wow he's actually really sweet. "No I couldn't let you do that." He laughed "Don't worry it's my pleasure." This made me think though… Was this a date then? Our meals arrived and Brody brought up what I missed when I was gone in Ohio. "So how did things go with that Finn guy?" Just when I was finally getting my mind off of him there he was always haunting me. "I called things off for the time being. The distance is getting too hard and I think we both need to find ourselves before we can be together again." I noticed he was still happy and I knew he was pleased to know that I was single.

After more small talk he decided to walk me home. When we reached the apartment I thanked him once again for dinner and he surprised me by giving me a kiss and the worst part is that I didn't even try to stop him. Maybe this is the way things needed to be. We broke away from the kiss and I gave him a smile and said I would call him tomorrow. I felt so free and happy for the first time since coming back from Ohio. This was a fresh start and I was happy to finally start living my life in New York as the new Rachel.


	11. Chapter 11

_No, I don't wanna love if it's not you… maybe we can try one last time_

I woke up feeling refreshed. It was the first good night of sleep I've had since I broke things off with Finn. The first thing I did when I got up was check my phone. I noticed I had one new text message. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages to see a text from Brody. I read it aloud. "Good morning beautiful. Let me know if you are free tonight I have a little something planned for us." I was excited.. I wonder what he had planned. "I think I can make sure I'm free tonight.. :)" I could tell he was typing and my heart was racing. "Sweet, I'll pick you up around 6." My fingers couldn't type fast enough. "Can't wait!" I put my phone down and decided to go get some breakfast.

I walked out into the kitchen and noticed Kurt was making pancakes. "Good Morning Kurt." He noticed the huge smile on my face, which was a shock since basically for the past few days I've been coming to breakfast with red puffy eyes from my countless hours of crying. "I see somebody is in a good mood. May I ask why?" I debated whether or not I should tell him since Finn is his brother but I figured I couldn't contain myself. "I have a date with Brody tonight." Kurt wasn't that happy but I didn't really expect him to be. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You just called things off with Finn. I love that you are happy right now but don't you think you need some time to find yourself and to heal? I mean just last night you were crying like it was the end of the world. I'm not trying to be mean but I think it's just a little too soon." I knew Kurt wouldn't be that approving and I know deep down that he is right but I want to be happy… "Look Kurt I completely get where you are coming from and I agree, but I need to feel happy again and right now Brody is the one making me feel something again.. I feel amazing right now and I want to see where this goes. This is something I need to do to find myself and if I find love along the way then that is a bonus." Kurt sighed "I'm not going to stop you. Just be careful Rachel. I really don't want to see you get hurt." He gave me a hug and then had to go leave for work.

I relaxed for most of the day since I didn't have any classes and then when it got close to six o'clock I got ready for my date. I love surprises even though I'm the most impatient person. I chose to wear a red silk dress that was a little above the knee and black stilettos. I curled my hair and put on some makeup. I finished the outfit off with a diamond necklace and earring set. I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. I guess this is what moving on feels like. I heard a knock on the door and I found Brody standing in front of me with a bouquet of roses. I had a feeling tonight was going to be a good night. I closed the door on my way out and grabbed Brody's hand.

xxx Thank you all for the reviews! I promise there will be some Finchel interaction in the near future. I'm a huge Finchel fan so Brody and Rachel won't necessarily be endgame in this story. There is lots of drama to come though. xxxx


	12. ANNOUNCEMENT

XXXX Announcement XXXX

Hi guys! I apologize for neglecting this story! I've been so busy and haven't had any time to really sit down and work on this story. Reading it over I really want to start working on this story again. Season 4 has ended and I was really disappointed with where it went, but I know the first few chapters held true to what was going on in the show, but I want to take it from where I left off to a new direction (pun intended haha) so I will be working on this story starting today and hopefully you guys will continue to read it. Sorry once again for making everyone wait so long!


	13. Chapter 12

_just sit back and relax_

Wow Brody was really charming and I for once found myself having a good time. He took to me to a restaurant called Ai Fiori and then we went on a private boat ride under the stars. I felt like a princess or at least that was how Brody was treating me. "How are you enjoying the night beautiful?" I looked into his eyes which were magical and really drew me in. "It's more than I ever could've imagined. It's perfect.." He smiled, but at that moment something seemed off. I guess I couldn't hide it anymore, my mind was back to thinking about Finn. I missed his signature half smile that most of the time he had reserved for me. I had this growing pit in my stomach that I would never get the chance to see it again and a tear fell from my eye. Brody must've noticed my sadness because he used his finger to wipe away my tear. "Did I do something to upset you?" I felt terrible .. Brody went through all this trouble to set up the perfect date and here I was ruining it thinking about my ex. "No, you did nothing wrong.. I guess I'm just still a little broken.. maybe Kurt was right I still need some time." His eyes grew sad. "Look I'm sorry if we are moving too fast, we can slow down if you want." I gave him a little smile. "I would like that."

He took me home and kissed me on the cheek and I slowly entered the apartment. I was shocked to see that Kurt was still up watching a movie on his laptop. He took his headphones out as I shut the door. "How's my special little diva doing? How was your date" I went on and on and raved about the restaurant and the boat ride, at first I wasn't sure if I should mention that I thought about Finn, but I really needed advice from my best friend. "I don't get it Kurt the night was going so well, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking of him. I don't know what to do Kurt.. I can't be with him, but I can't be without him." I had started crying and Kurt wrapped me in his arms holding me. "It's going to be okay Rachel, just please promise me you will take some time to yourself. Being with Brody right now isn't healthy." I wanted so badly to promise him I wouldn't see Brody anymore, but deep down I knew if I was alone I would lose it. So I had to do the only thing I could do. "I promise Kurt."

I woke up in the middle of the night after having a bad dream about the night I called things off with Finn. Just as I woke up to go get myself a glass of water I noticed my phone was vibrating. I was getting a call from Finn.. I picked up the phone. "Hello.." I heard a long pause with breathing on the other end. "Rach I need to talk to you.. it's important.."


	14. Chapter 13

_I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise_

I noticed my phone was vibrating. I was getting a call from Finn.. I picked up the phone. "Hello.." I heard a long pause with breathing on the other end. "Rach I need to talk to you.. it's important.."

I was holding my breath wondering about what he possibly needed to talk to me about. "What's going on Finn? What happened?" I could tell Finn must've been really upset because I heard him crying.. "I miss you Rach... I need you right now and I know you ended things with me, but I just can't be alone right now. I haven't told Kurt, but things are bad... Burt is getting more sick by the day and we don't think he has much time left and my mom is devastated and I'm trying to be there for her, but what good am I to anybody since I'm already depressed as it is.. I don't know what to do..." I noticed that tears were forming in my eyes as I listened to the boy I love on the phone sound so sad and lost... "Calm down Finn, look I miss you too.. a lot actually. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about you and that crooked smile that makes my heart race every single time I see it. I think you need to let Kurt know though. I can't stay in New York when I know that things are that bad. I'm not going to let Kurt know right away I'll say I need to go see you and that I need him with me. I'll be there as soon as I can. Hang in there." This was going to be hard because I wasn't sure if I was emotionally ready to be back together with him yet. "Thanks Rach.. I still love you so much. I'll see you soon." Hearing him say he loves me still to this moment makes my heart race. "I will always love you Finn." With that we hung up the phone and I ran to my laptop to go book a flight to Ohio.

I booked the flight and went to go tell Kurt what was going on. I found him in the kitchen making some tea. "Hey Kurt, I need to go to Ohio to see Finn.. it's important that I go work things out with him in person, but I'm not sure if I can handle going alone and I'm not sure how things are going down there, but I figured it would be a good chance to go visit your dad. I booked us some tickets, would you mind coming with me?" He smiled at me. "I'm glad you are finally coming to your senses because the both of you belong together. I was actually planning on going home soon to see my dad and check up on him so this will be perfect." I gave him a sympathetic smile and a hug.

After our flight that felt like days we were finally back home in Ohio. I had called Finn to let him know we had arrived so he could pick us up from the airport. As we picked up our luggage I searched through all the people to find him. After looking for five minutes I finally spotted someone tall and handsome which could only be Finn. I walked over to him and without a word I hugged him. It was like we were two puzzle pieces and we were finally put together. I felt at home in his arms and for a few seconds forgot where we were. "If you two love birds are done I would like to get out of here." Finn laughed and gave his brother a hug. We both knew that we needed to enjoy this moment of happiness because it was time to face reality. The car ride went by pretty fast I was still conflicted and wasn't sure if I could open up my heart again and let Finn back in.

Once we arrived to the Hummel - Hudson house I was greeted by Carole who I could tell was putting on a brave act since Kurt was here. "Hey sweetie it's good to see you here, maybe this one will stop moping around." I smiled and gave her a hug. We gave Kurt some alone time with Carole so she could let him know what was going on with Burt. "I'm really glad you are here Rach, it means the world." I grabbed his hand. "You know I'm always here for you.. Look Finn I know you are really fragile right now, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to rush back into things.. my heart is still really broken and I'm gonna need some time." I saw the hurt and disappointed look that fell over his face. "I understand, for right now you being here is just enough." Right now it felt nice to just be with him holding hands and sitting in silence as we both just enjoyed each other's company.


End file.
